Posts tagged greg
Posts tagged greg
September is National Bourbon Heritage Month, celebrating America’s native spirit. If you’re not a bourbon drinker, here is a primer to help you decide where to start, ranked from best to worst.
1792: Fine-tasting, but you’ll pay for the privilege. This is a must for the man who knows what he wants and is willing to spend extra for it.
Woodford: Exquisite, and surprisingly light for bourbon. Not quite the experience that 1792 offers, but more affordable and easier to find.
Knob Creek: Some mash men swear by Knob Creek, but I think it’s overrated (and accordingly, overpriced). My current theory is that the easy-to-spot label is what makes it so popular in bars, especially the loud ones where your communication with the barkeep is reduced to pointing and gesticulation.
Maker’s Mark: Perhaps the most famous bourbon in America, this bourbon is strictly for cocktails. Save the better bottles for when you’re looking for a finger of the straight stuff, and use the Maker’s Mark in your Old Fashioned.
Jim Beam Black: Oh, seriously. Now you’re not even trying.
It’s over 100 degrees here today. I can barely think, much less write. So I’m writing about what I’m thinking about: one of my favorite hot-day cocktails, the cricket.
1 oz Brandy
1 oz Crème de cacao (white)
1 oz Crème de menthe (green)
1 oz cream (optional)
Shake over ice. Strain. Serve up.
Absorbing errands are the key, James said,
For stationing joy’s locus in the heart.
Can this be mere distraction from dark dread,
Or does achievement play some honest part
In happiness? Old Ockham took a blade
To spoiled woods, and hacking down the old
And rotten trees cut clear a path to aid
Us in our listening, when truth is told.
Thus errands, roads, and woods do journeys make.
A journey’s in the walking, not the end
Nor at the start. A million middles take
Us cyclically along the best bound bend.
Though every generation might refuse,
Out best laid labors lie in our use.
There’s heavy-hanging heft in that word: desk.
A stable, steady stone not on the pate
But nonetheless oppressive in its weight
That in not touching’s all the more grotesque.
It crouches not unlike an obelisk
Upon a grave. But who has died? First mate,
Fond friend, free will is buried here, his wait
For heav’n criminally Kafkaesque.
Yet on the wall, sans church bells, hangs the clock
Which yet portends the clement close of day.
No chimes will ring when all the proles disband,
But music will be made by feet that walk
Without a maestro’s guide. Tonight, men say,
“For now, I’m mine, and I won’t sit. I’ll stand.”
Hello, my fellow Americans.
Whoa. There are a lot of people here. There’s like… two, three, four… anyway, it’s a lot.
Ok. Right. Um…
How’s everybody doing? I’m good.
Hey, look everybody, it’s the First Lady! What? No, honey, I’m cool. No, I swear. Go, go sit down. I’m cool, I’m totally cool.
Man, it is really cold. Why did we have to do this in January?
(Giggles) Oh, right. First month of the year and, uh, whatnot.
Hey. Hey. Did you, did you ever think about that? Hm? Like, why is January the first month of the year? It doesn’t have to be.
I bet, I bet January is only the first month because we think it is. First. Of the months.
Ooh, you know what would be awesome? Let’s make something else first. Another month, I mean. Not like, a screwdriver. Or whatever.
Ok, so. First thing I’m doing as president is changing the start of the year. Show of hands, who wants June?
Alright, let’s see. One, two, three… wow, there are a lot of you. I wonder how many there are?
Ok, new first president thing. I order you to, um, count yourselves. And then, just, you know, somebody tell me how many of you there are.
What was I talking about?
Boy, it’s getting windy. And cold. Does anybody else taste snow? Does that mean it’s going to snow?
Ooh, that would be awesome!
Ok, first thing as president, I command all of you to build a giant snow fort.
(Giggles) And then we’ll call it (giggles) the White House! Because it’ll be white! And a fort! The White Fort!
Hey, can anybody else see these little words floating here? “…promoting fair and equal access to opportunity…”
Boring! I’m gonna go find something to eat. You guys go build me my snow fort!
Thank you, America! I love you! Good night!
Captain Ahab, explaining his motivation, in Moby-Dick, or The Whale, by Herman Melville.
I can’t stop reading this quote, over and over again. It’s fascinating how passionately, charismatically, unswervingly, unfailingly wrong Ahab is, about absolutely everything.
They sell a lot of t-shirts in Key West. This was by far the most thematically consistent with our little blog.
You decide who is who.
If you don’t know who any of these gentlemen are, then let me be the first to express pity for the pale, half-baked shell of a life you have been living up to now.
Thankfully, you are about to come out of your dark cave into the light. These gentlemen are the geniuses behind Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax.com. And now, they are part of your Tumblr world.