I have been working in customer service for a year now at a local supermarket chain on Long Island. For those of you who have never worked in customer service, or with the general public for that matter, uh - let me tell you - it shortens your life span.
In short - people suck. But the cracker-jack group of mother-lovers that make of the general population of Sucksville also populate DumbassTown, Whiny Bitch Park, and of course I-Shop-Here-All-The-Time-So-Can-You-Give-Me-The-Sale-Price-Anyway-Even-Though-The-Sign-Clearly-Indicates-There-Is-A-Limit-Of-4-Items-Per-Customer-But-I-Want-8-Because-I’m-Here-Shopping-For-My-Dying-Mother-Who-Is-In-The-Hospital-And-Doesn’t-Actually-Need-4-Containers-Of-Folgers-Coffee-And-I’m-Totally-Lying-Plus-You’re-Going-To-Give-It-To-Me-Anyway-Because-If-You-Don’t-I’m-Going-To-Complain-To-Your-Manager-Who-Will-Inevitably-Give-It-To-Me-So-Shut-Up-You-Piece-Of-Scum Land.
… but I digress.
Over the span of a year, which included every major holiday we Americans celebrate, I had to deal with the asinine complaints, comments, questions, and daily situations that would occur at a local supermarket chain on Long Island…in Smithtown.
And during the course of this passed year, my co-workers and I have noticed a pattern of stupid questions, comments and complaints people repeatedly have to bring to our attention at customer service.
Scenario Number 1:
Customer: Excuse me? Where do you have [this item that is so popular it has it’s own tag on the sign above the aisle it’s in]?
Customer Service: Down aisle 4, sir.
Customer: Which one is aisle 4?
Customer Service: [brain tumor grows in size]
…the one with the big 4 over it.
Scenario Number 2:
[in this scenario, the customer has a quality issue complaint on an item they bought. Where I work, if there is a quality issue with an item, we shall refund the customer their money and give them a replacement on the house. When people start to pick up on this, they tend to take advantage and say some stupid stuff. In this scene, the customer bought our homemade Parmesan cheese]
Customer: Hi. I’d like to return this. I am absolutely livid. I bought this cheese a while back and went to use it today and it is all moldy.
Customer Service: I’m sorry about that, sir. Any chance you have your receipt?
Customer: Uh - yes here it is.
Customer Service: Great! Thanks.
[It’s at this point we notice a few things. 1) The cheese is definitely moldy, no doubt about it - it’s gross. 2) You bought the item on February 2nd. 3) It’s May 31st and the cheese expired April 3rd.]
Customer Service: Okay so sir I am sorry for the inconvenience but the reason the cheese is moldy is because it expired about 2 months ago.
Customer: [dumbfounded] I - uh - oh well that’s ridiculous it should say that on the container then.
Customer Service: It does.
[on the phone]
Customer: Hi, yes, I was there about 20 minutes ago and when I got home I noticed I was missing some items.
Customer Service: [taking a deep breath to avoid being over-frustrated] Okay, Ma’am what are you missing.
Customer: Yes well I bought some very expensive meat from Mario, the meat manager.
[side note: name dropping means shit to us - we don’t care if you can name drop our managers]
And it was like $50 dollars of meat and I don’t have any of it. I can’t believe your cashier didn’t put it in the bag! I’m very upset.
— look at this objectively for a second people. So: you bought $50 dollars worth of meat. That’s a lot of meat and a lot of money. On top of that, you’re saying Mario made it special for you. And after you paid for it, you forgot it. Don’t blame it on the cashier. You bought it, you paid for it, it’s your responsibility! And on top of that, I was already waiting for your phone call because the front end brought it to me as a left behind item to mark down in case you inevitably called. Dick.
Customer Service: [refraining from cursing out the dumbass on the phone]I am sorry about that miss, we do have your meat up here.
And blah, blah, blah….
Plainly… if there has been anything I have learned from working in customer service for all these months it has been to never be a bitchy customer. You’re all big fools if you do act like that. Just stop it. You’re just coming off as stupid.
These people be lucky I’m not a waiter. Spit flavored burgers anyone??