gallaghr

I have been working in customer service for a year now at a local supermarket chain on Long Island. For those of you who have never worked in customer service, or with the general public for that matter, uh - let me tell you - it shortens your life span.

In short - people suck. But the cracker-jack group of mother-lovers that make of the general population of Sucksville also populate DumbassTown, Whiny Bitch Park, and of course I-Shop-Here-All-The-Time-So-Can-You-Give-Me-The-Sale-Price-Anyway-Even-Though-The-Sign-Clearly-Indicates-There-Is-A-Limit-Of-4-Items-Per-Customer-But-I-Want-8-Because-I’m-Here-Shopping-For-My-Dying-Mother-Who-Is-In-The-Hospital-And-Doesn’t-Actually-Need-4-Containers-Of-Folgers-Coffee-And-I’m-Totally-Lying-Plus-You’re-Going-To-Give-It-To-Me-Anyway-Because-If-You-Don’t-I’m-Going-To-Complain-To-Your-Manager-Who-Will-Inevitably-Give-It-To-Me-So-Shut-Up-You-Piece-Of-Scum Land.

… but I digress.

Over the span of a year, which included every major holiday we Americans celebrate, I had to deal with the asinine complaints, comments, questions, and daily situations that would occur at a local supermarket chain on Long Island…in Smithtown.

And during the course of this passed year, my co-workers and I have noticed a pattern of stupid questions, comments and complaints people repeatedly have to bring to our attention at customer service.

Scenario Number 1:

Customer: Excuse me? Where do you have [this item that is so popular it has it’s own tag on the sign above the aisle it’s in]?

Customer Service:  Down aisle 4, sir.

Customer: Which one is aisle 4?

Customer Service: [brain tumor grows in size]

…the one with the big 4 over it.

Scenario Number 2:

[in this scenario, the customer has a quality issue complaint on an item they bought. Where I work, if there is a quality issue with an item, we shall refund the customer their money and give them a replacement on the house. When people start to pick up on this, they tend to take advantage and say some stupid stuff. In this scene, the customer bought our homemade Parmesan cheese]

Customer: Hi. I’d like to return this. I am absolutely livid. I bought this cheese a while back and went to use it today and it is all moldy.

Customer Service:  I’m sorry about that, sir. Any chance you have your receipt? 

Customer: Uh - yes here it is.

Customer Service: Great! Thanks.

[It’s at this point we notice a few things. 1) The cheese is definitely moldy, no doubt about it - it’s gross. 2) You bought the item on February 2nd. 3) It’s May 31st and the cheese expired April 3rd.]

Customer Service: Okay so sir I am sorry for the inconvenience but the reason the cheese is moldy is because it expired about 2 months ago.

Customer: [dumbfounded] I - uh - oh well that’s ridiculous it should say that on the container then.

Customer Service: It does.

Customer: Oh…

Scenario 3:

[on the phone]

Customer: Hi, yes, I was there about 20 minutes ago and when I got home I noticed I was missing some items.

Customer Service: [taking a deep breath to avoid being over-frustrated] Okay, Ma’am what are you missing.

Customer: Yes well I bought some very expensive meat from Mario, the meat manager.

[side note: name dropping means shit to us - we don’t care if you can name drop our managers]

And it was like $50 dollars of meat and I don’t have any of it. I can’t believe your cashier didn’t put it in the bag! I’m very upset.

— look at this objectively for a second people. So: you bought $50 dollars worth of meat. That’s a lot of meat and a lot of money. On top of that, you’re saying Mario made it special for you. And after you paid for it, you forgot it. Don’t blame it on the cashier. You bought it, you paid for it, it’s your responsibility! And on top of that, I was already waiting for your phone call because the front end brought it to me as a left behind item to mark down in case you inevitably called. Dick.

Customer Service: [refraining from cursing out the dumbass on the phone]I am sorry about that miss, we do have your meat up here.

And blah, blah, blah….

Plainly… if there has been anything I have learned from working in customer service for all these months it has been to never be a bitchy customer. You’re all big fools if you do act like that. Just stop it. You’re just coming off as stupid.

These people be lucky I’m not a waiter. Spit flavored burgers anyone??

- Joe

Hello all! After playing around with the HTML, the comment section should be back. Again, you can click on the “Comments” at the top right corner of each post and can comment if your heart so desires. It’s now going to be above the post instead of at the bottom and I’m not really sure why it says “Reactions and Comments” but the fact that I was even able to embed HTML code to make this work in the first place is kindof miraculous.

That sensation you’re currently experiencing is the world feeling right again. You’re welcome.

Love, Brittany and the rest of the Gallagher kiddies 

I’m sure by the title alone that you are wondering what this post is about. My post this week is about one of my “addictions”. Red Mango. It is the greatest thing ever. Except for bacon. Nothing can be better than bacon. Red Mango is a frozen yogurt chain that is very popular here on Long Island. Honestly, I’m not surprised by it. It’s basically Heaven that is editable. Jesus would agree.

It has different flavors of yogurt except they’re not the boring lame flavors like “vanilla” or “strawberry”. No, Red Mango has the best flavors ever. Raspberry cheesecake is my personal favorite and I hate cheesecake. That shows you how good this really is. You can also get topping for your editable paradise. The selections vary from fruits(ehh) to candy(SUCCESS). You can even get fruity pebbles. I told you…it’s heaven.

The are locations all over the country so wherever you may call your homeland, there is a Red Mango. Unless you live where there are more cows in the population than people…then you’re out of luck.

Seriously, you need to experience the wonders of Red Mango. If you hate yogurt(like myself), you will still love this place. You need to experience it at least once. If you enjoy it, you’re awesome. If not, Jesus doesn’t love you. Just kidding! But seriously.

It’s healthy, too! Yay!

Here’s the site to show how glorious it really is.

http://www.redmangousa.com/default.html

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!

You’re Welcome,

Molly

Last week, one of the siblings told me their post would be a chart.  This did not happen, and I have been going through chart withdrawal ever since.

So! To right this moral wrong, I will be posting multiple charts today. Enjoy!

- Greg

So I almost forgot about my post this week. I feel like I’ve had some decent photoshop filled posts the last few weeks, so this one will be less excited. And less thought out.

Yesterday I started a new workout routine, a 60 day workout challange called “Insanity.” Very similar to the popular P90X, but for lack of better words, more INSANE.

Basically, Shaun T (your recorded instructor (Yes it’s a DVD workout collection (This is the Inception of parenthesis (LIMBO))))  …where was I?

… Shaun T makes you do high intensity cardio workouts, with very short breaks.  The workouts literally run you into the ground. I had been running about 4 miles a day and doing some lifting for about 5 weeks before I started, and STILL the warmups kicked my ass.

So after day two, I am excited and scared for the weeks ahead of me. I will either be in great shape at the end of this, or die trying.  I’m not tracking my weight or fat index or pants size, so I’ll just give casual updates each week.  But hopefully I’ll have a nice update at the end of Week 9.

So yeah… I guess you’re disappointed I didn’t put up any fun pictures this week….

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I spoil you sometimes.

~Andrew

As Greg pointed out last week through mocking my ability to give a killer marketing pitch, I am 4 days into being a college graduate. And as Andrew accurately described Greg’s post, that is “Dinner Table Brittany”. I promise marketing/professional me is sorta, kinda different.

In fact to prove just how grown up I am, I have brushed up my post college resume and will share it with all of you today! In this tough job market it is important to stand out. Fellow recent grads, take note. 

Good luck to all of you out there job hunting! And Mr. Larry Page, if you’re reading this let’s do lunch!

Thanks ERIC for the inspiration, Brittany!

A picture’s worth 1,004 words.

The Hook-Up: The Early Years.

Today is a day of blogging and re-blogging funny stuff I find on the internet. NO this is not a lazy and easier way to  blog. This takes time, diligence, poise, and much determination.

I am offended that one would even THINK that I’m doing this out of sheer laziness.

So all day I am going to blog all the funny things I find on the internet.

…

Well, until I get bored and get out of bed. It’s 11:18 AM.

…

Fine I’m lazy.

- Joe

For the past couple of years I have been getting phrases written on my birthday cake. Two years ago, I had a Fudgie the Whale cake that said “To a Whale of a Dad”. Father’s day was coming up and I enjoyed the saying. I have no shame. Last year, I got another cake that said,”Not much fun for little Harpo”. It’s a quote from the movie, Finding Nemo. Joey gave me the idea and it worked out splendidly. It was an awesome cake.

Earlier this year, either Joey or Brittany showed me a video called “Celebration”. It was probably the funniest video I have ever seen. It even started a running joke in our family of people saying “Ahhh shit on ya!” at various necessary or random moments. Since my birthday was this past week, we got a cake yesterday to celebrate the glorious day of my birth. I was going to surprise my parents and get “Ahh shit on ya!” written on the cake. When we finally got to Carvel, I told my parents what I was going on have written on it. My mother found it hilarious but my dad did not want us to do that since the owner was in there. I swallowed a small amount of sadness and changed my idea. Instead, I had “Henry!” written on it with “All rice.” written in parentheses. Now to truly understand this joke, you will have to see the video.

This is the video:

Bask in its glory. It is hilarious!

Also, this was my cake:

Best cake ever? I think so. I’m contemplating on whether or not to send it in to the guys who did the video. I just want them to bask in its glory as well.

-The somewhat sad child who did not get to use profanity on her cake, Molly

I just got back from a trip to Mexico.  That would be the obvious thing to write about.

But I’m not gonna.

I know what you’re thinking.

Well, tough.  This weekend, Brittany graduates from college.  I’m very proud of my sister, and I have great faith in her ability to succeed.  Thus, I am going to take this opportunity to thoroughly embarrass her.  What follows is my rendition of Brittany giving a big marketing presentation in about twenty years.

I don’t care. Deal with it.

***

Hi, everybody. My name is Brittany Gallagher, and I am the marketing director for Company Inc. I’m here because you’ve decided to stop using my company’s services. Whomp whomp.  What gives, people?  Company Inc. is, like, the best marketing company that currently writes me a paycheck, so I’m totally in favor of you continuing to give my company money, and totally NOT in favor of you not giving us money.

I have three arguments why you should keep paying my company. First of all, everyone – literally, EVERYONE – who works at Company Inc. is a cute, soot-covered orphan.  If you stop paying us, all those cute, soot-covered orphans will go from looking like this:

Yes, you have a question. Why don’t I look like a cute, soot-covered orphan?  OK, two things: One, don’t appreciate the insinuation that I’m not cute. Not cool.  Two, we cute, soot-covered orphans still know how to dress for a business presentation.  We only do the cute, soot-covered look while begging.  Is that what you want me to do? Beg?

Moving on to my second argument, no other company is going to do work for you.  I mean, come on.  Marketing companies are all about reputation, and who’s going to want to work for the company that just decided to starve a bunch of cute, soot-covered orphans?

Finally, here is a picture of a banana:

I couldn’t come up with a third argument.  But really, did I need one? No. No, I did not.

Peace out, mofos.  My people will be in touch.

***

Congratulations on your graduation, Brittany.  I’m very proud to be your brother.

Love,

Greg

I thought a recent picture of my friend Tim and I might make a good Meme. 

~Andrew

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